I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
