how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
