You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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