if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
