I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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