I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
