chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
