remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this will be a night to untag.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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