Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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