i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
