I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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