The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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