Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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