Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
