I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
