How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
worst night to have a conscience
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
