he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
