Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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