I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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