so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
