I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
