Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
