Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
