Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
