I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
