I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
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He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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