You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
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Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
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There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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