I am in a vortex of obligation.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
