Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
