Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
