Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
