watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
