It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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