you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
