Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
