Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
