new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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