wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.