So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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