Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
