You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just pee around me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i think i just lost a toe
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...