OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag