Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.