Texts From Last Night

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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."

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  (918): i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut." http://tfl.nu/bhgh
  Replies (13) Good night (4438) Bad night (654)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too

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  (614): Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too http://tfl.nu/p8r6
  Replies (24) Good night (676) Bad night (1995)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.

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  (716): Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed. http://tfl.nu/65fd
  Replies (14) Good night (947) Bad night (3086)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"

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  (512): in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size" http://tfl.nu/ckqj
  Replies (35) Good night (1356) Bad night (7762)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

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  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (118) Good night (27446) Bad night (4598)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.

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  (210): I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low. http://tfl.nu/u768
  Replies (20) Good night (1014) Bad night (5878)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen

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  (920): I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen http://tfl.nu/zyec
  Replies (7) Good night (3773) Bad night (780)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.

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  (517): Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever. http://tfl.nu/mubr
  Replies (10) Good night (5436) Bad night (808)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day

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  (985): I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day http://tfl.nu/t2zq
  Replies (10) Good night (3452) Bad night (940)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?

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  (503): He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads? http://tfl.nu/30tf
  Replies (7) Good night (2732) Bad night (638)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.

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  (306): Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's. http://tfl.nu/a874
  Replies (6) Good night (2844) Bad night (592)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.

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  (303): Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend. http://tfl.nu/4mef
  Replies (3) Good night (1539) Bad night (466)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.

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  (801): I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole. http://tfl.nu/xl47
  Replies (11) Good night (598) Bad night (2084)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it

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  (514): dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it http://tfl.nu/9328
  Replies (6) Good night (364) Bad night (784)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.

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  (541): Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways. http://tfl.nu/r7l2
  Replies (1) Good night (575) Bad night (394)

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