I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
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I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.