I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
