this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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