I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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