apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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