Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
