there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
