I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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