I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
