I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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