you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Text me some of your sweat
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