One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
