you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So here I am, sexting at work.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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