Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize