They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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