I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
