I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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