just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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