at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
