im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
