Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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