The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He shit in the fireplace
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
