I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
