wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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