Plan B is the new Plan A
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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