I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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