Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
